careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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