Pants 0. Shit 1.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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