...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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