omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
