Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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