Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
im holly from the hills drunk
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
