it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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