is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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