apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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