she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
