Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
