The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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