That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
