she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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