Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
