Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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