You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
