Got a toothbrush?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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