3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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