But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball