Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
