He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
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She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
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She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.