mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
