I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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