Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
