I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
