So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
