Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
