her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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