Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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