just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
