Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
