Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
