Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
