I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i've created a new STD.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
