Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
