Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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