There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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