I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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