I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
In America we eat man semen.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
