Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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