They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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