yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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