I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
