just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
