So drunk its hurt
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
