doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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