How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Randomize
