he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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