I didn't shave. On purpose
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
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