I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
