but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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