We're facebook friends in real life
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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