My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
birth control should be required to get into college
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
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