If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
