if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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