sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
