LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
