honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
