your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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