I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
