i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
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I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
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I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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