I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize