hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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