just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
