oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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