yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize