Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
