It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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