SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
