There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
