ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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