Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
