he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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