I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
