As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
