I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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