i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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