His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
