see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
