dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think I won the penis lottery.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
