her vagine was all disorganized.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
