Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Four minutes until I can fart!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
