she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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