saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
