Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
