You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
