walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
