last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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